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Mergatroid

by Lucas Penner

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1.
Do you remember my death It was pretty You were there Soft and quiet in the aftermath Cold and starry In the air I probably won’t love you very long You’ll want me to and I will too but I probably won’t love you very long Sorry to say Blood from bark and voice from that And the harpies All around I could’t keep from going flat I’m unworthy Of what I’ve found I probably won’t love you very long You’ll want me to and I will too but I probably won’t love you very long Sorry to say And if it goes so far that I don’t know my friends Then you can find my dreaming tree inside the end I’m just beyond eternal sands of fire and meant To live within the wood of suicides as a plant Do you remember my death It was pretty You were there
2.
I’m dreaming of the Hope Princeton Just past Manning Park About now they’d be misty mountains Man that mist is around my heart But I’ve no right to miss them Cause I wanted to leave Guess I don’t know how to love then I guess I only love in dreams I guess I only love in dreams I’m thinking of Mayne Island And a little cob cook house My friends and I’d walk to the ocean Oh, how I’d like it all right now But my friends and I are busy Gotta keep moving you know Can’t spend all our time just talking Or sharing dinner by the wood stove I remember my first record Recorded it in Abbotsford I remember laughing so hard And hearing The Bends in the car And hearing The Bends Are we meant to keep on moving Or is that something that we learn Cause I don’t know where I’m going I’m just trying to keep up with the turns I’m just trying to keep up with the turns I’m just trying to keep up with the turns A good memory is not so helpful Maybe I ought to hit the road Loving things is so painful But I don’t want to let them go
3.
I am here I’m the writing on the walls That you are the first airplane to fly But where is mine Oh, where are my markings To show me That I’m the tiger in your sky? Oh, believe me I’m trying to see it in myself To be the stream that won’t steam up in hell To not need no Philosopher’s stone From anybody else To need nothing but my wings to thrive so You can tell That I’m worth it Cause I’m worth it Here am I I’m young and smooth and bright Mane of lion skin And an elephant inside I’m far and wide I cross the mountains in a stride Are you blind What’s in the ground that’s not in my eyes Believe me, my speech is silence on the moon Compared to all the things I want to say to you Believe me, my speech is silence on the moon Compared to all the things I want to say to you Oh, believe me I’m trying to see it in myself To be the stream that won’t steam up in hell To not need no Philosopher’s stone From anybody else To need nothing but my wings to thrive so You can tell
4.
Waiting down by the water Where it’s night time Where she is Call me on the freeway When your light is On the dim You’re easy on the eyes she said But don’t get carried away So long gone in the darkness In the soaring Of a thought Touch her hair and touch her skin too But you can’t have What you really want You’re easy on the eyes she said But don’t get carried away I’ve been driving in my car alone With my head in the clouds and my heart in my home West as far as these borders go With the stars in the mountains and the sky in the road Waiting, waiting to hold her close And show her, show her what I love the most But I’m just easy on the eyes, she said So I won’t get carried away Watch the trees through the window Watch the wind blow Through the world Feel your song a street light Hear a wish sigh Then unfurl You’re easy on the eyes she said But don’t get carried away Leave it all by the sidelines So that you can settle down Leave it all by the wayside So that you can settle down Leave it all by the side So that you can settle down
5.
Between Us 02:23
Look up the dandelions now daisy And count the ways that separate All I feel Has come between us And I need Some help to ease us I hurt myself Again I hurt myself Again Waste the hours on suffocating You can’t deny the race is changing All I feel Has come between us And I need Some help to ease us I hurt myself Again I hurt myself Again When it comes to what I’m thinking Not to tell feels like a pain and All I feel Has come between us And I need Some help to ease us I hurt myself Again I hurt myself Again
6.
Brett Ashley 03:05
Brett Ashley Calls me up Late evening She’s drunk ‘Come with me’ I’m done She has always been what I want Needing you has Done me wrong and It’s time for me to get Strong St. Vincent Milay Has left me Again And I stare as I wait She can never be replaced Needing you has Done me wrong and It’s time for me to get Strong I have followed you To the end Of my rope I have followed you To the end Of my rope And now I’ve gotta go My mistress Her eyes Have burned me Alive She never Satisfied Needing you has Done me wrong and It’s time for me to get Strong
7.
The Mogul 02:49
I am a parasite I feed on other’s joy To keep my misery In good employ I build my empire In shadows of despair Call it deplorable At least it’s there Unlike you Who took all my sense of glory And cast me in D-listings Low and smaller than you You I see hypocrisy In everything I do But I want everything If not for you
8.
Veil Of Love 03:00
The veil of love I wore so well You made it easy You were dressed in a fairy tale Skinny blond hair And blue eyes Society would approve (everyone around would sure like you) My buddies would sure like you It’d be easy with a picture perfect lover in my corner Cheering me on It’s nice to think about Even when I know that it’s all fucked up The veil of love Convinced myself It’s amazing what impatience and fear Will make you tell I should really say I’m sorry For speaking those words It was easy out of view (no one could see me and you) In my hiding place with you Where all I lacked was hidden underneath My lover and her cleavage and her holding I want her somehow Even when I know that the kisses won’t make us fly I know that the kisses won’t make us fly We’ll just fall I know our bond is just a rock with wings I know this bird won’t ever sing
9.
And when you say my name, say it low I’m gonna catch it moving fast and slow And when you feel me don’t forget to ask Before I walk away all Blue and Black Is it me or has it all gone wrong? Is it you just wanna get it on? And if I listen I’ll take off my mask And even underneath I’m Blue and Black Ah oo, ah oo, ah oo, I’mma get it all, get it all Ah oo, ah oo, ah oo, I’mma get it all, get it all And here’s the circle still a going strong So I’mma giving up I’ll go along I’ve been a die-hard, I’ve been stuck in line That’s why I’m moving to the quickest find If you’re a poet, you’re a dinosaur You’re a baby crying give me more And if I’m honest what I think about that I thought I told you babe, I’m Blue and Black Ah oo, ah oo, ah oo, I’mma get it all, get it all Ah oo, ah oo, ah oo, I’mma get it all, get it all
10.
You tread through rock You tread through time Your life in death still climbs To lose, forget To pass you by Is not to see the sky I hear you in the songs you sang I feel you in those vintage things For nothing really goes away All it does is change All it does is change To lose, forget To pass you by Is not to see the sky And though my heart cries To be with you In the way that I met you Your hands don’t have to Hold onto mine To know that you are here I hear you in the songs you sang I feel you in those vintage things For nothing really goes away All it does is change All it does is change So you have only changed So you have only changed
11.
Slow down fast one, it’s okay You’ll make it there someday Lucky stars will hold out for you Just don’t push too hard You’ll become who you are You’ve put in time and tried your best But you don’t seem to shine like all the rest Your pretty heart is only starting To see its own bloom Don’t let it get to you It seems like everything will pass you by Like you’ll be standing still for your whole life But you are moving you just can’t see it now Good is coming you just gotta let this turn around There’s always something good to love There’s always someone loving you

about

Lucas Penner's debut album, Mergatroid is a genre-collage that spans a decade of his creative journey. Mostly self-recorded at a home studio in Penticton, BC, the record touches on themes of ambiguous grief, resentment, self-soothing and moving on from ill-fated lovers.

The album plays like a playlist with each song morphing into a new genre and keeping listeners on their toes.

credits

released November 2, 2023

All songs written, produced and performed by Lucas Penner.
Blue and Black and Silence On The Moon co-produced by Alex Purcell.
All songs mixed by Jesse Gander at Rain City Recorders.
Except for Silence On The Moon and Blue and Black, both mixed by Kyle Gamble.
All songs mastered by Jamie Sitar at Outta Town Sound.

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Lucas Penner Penticton, British Columbia

BC-based result of a Bon Iver and Tom Waits collab.

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